if you really knew me

If you really knew me, you’d know how much I’ve cried.
You’d see how much I’ve kept built up inside.
If you really knew me, you’d know all my fears.
You’d know that I never had anyone to wipe away my tears.

If you really knew me, you’d know how I really feel.
You’d know that I can’t seem to let the old wounds heal.
If you really knew me, then this you would know.
You’d know that there have been nights I’ve come close to letting go.

If you really knew me, you would look me in the eyes.
You’d know how I really felt and would look past my lies.
If you really knew me, you’d know what goes on behind closed doors.
You’d know that I feel like in my world it doesn’t rain, it pours.

If you really knew me, you’d know that in my world the glass is never half full.
You’d know that sometimes I feel that I won’t be in this world for the long haul.
If you really knew me, you’d find you really didn’t know me at all.
You’d know about the countless hours I spent crying curled up in a ball.

If you really knew me, you’d know the stories behind the scars on my arm.
You’d know that I caused the majority of them, not wanting to cause anyone else harm.
If you really knew me, you’d know that cutting was my escape.
You’d know the cuts were deep not merely a scrape.

The colorful bracelets I wear cover up the pain
You’d know I’m covering all the times, I cut across the same vein.
If you really knew me you’d know that hidden scars lie waiting below,
You’d know it’s a burning shame which no one should know.

If you really knew me you’d know I am strong because I am weak.
You’d know that I have hit my lowest peak.
If you really knew me, you’d know I am fighting my way back to the top.
You’d know that there is no way I am letting this fight in me stop.

If you really knew me you’d know I am fighting to stay strong.
You’d know that I am no longer doing my body wrong.
If you really knew me you’d know that I am in a better place.
You’d know that my drive to get better is at a slow and steady pace.

If you really knew me, you’d know I am no longer hiding behind the sorrow.
You’d know I am living for a better tomorrow.
If you really knew me, you would know I am in a better state of mind.
You’d know I have left the old version of myself behind.

-theresa