im bad.

I know I shouldn't treat you this way. I know that we are still best friends. But I just don't know why some where very deep down, there is this feeling that is over coming the fact that you're my best friend. So fuck myself, and stop thinking so much. Sorry. All I can say now is sorry. I hope we will be like we were before when you come back, can wait to see you tmr tho

left with nothing else

It hurts so much at times, to feel that I'm not fitting in. I hate how I'm so anti social. I really wonder why Edna look up to me , my life ain't as easy as it looks, every day , I'm leaving in fear that one day, everything I don't wish to happen will happen. I was the first to ask, and you were the first to give . But now, I'm in second place left with a second chance, oh no, wait. Now I'm third place, or maybe last? Ha. It really hurts alot. I'm pretending to be strong when I'm not. Every part of me is saying it's ok to break down once in a while. But I don't want. I hate breaking down, but somehow life seems to get harder every second. Council teachers, parents, friends, all expecting so much from me. Startin' to feel like I'm a robot. Nobody really thought about my feelin's it's really pain. Nothing is going my way, when I want life go right, it would go left. And I have to change my mind to make everything feel positive. And people ask me why I'm so quiet. Then let me ask you, why isn't anybody talking to me? I Want talk to everybody so badly, but sometimes, I'm tired for taking the initiative and some how, I want someone to take the initiative to text me, talk to me, or accompany me. Some times I feel like a dog. Like really, I'm really good at following, like how a dog follows. I'm not good at leading. But I'm in council, and I can say this at times. Council, it's suppose to be one of the places i feel comfortable in. But, no! You're wrong. When I have no where to go, I'll just have to sit in one corner to avoid people from noticing since I'm not a worthy friend. Everytime when I here that council is a big family, I'll always have a thinking , I this is a family, where have I been all along? Isn't a family suppose to fit in and feel comfortable? Or maybe it's suppose to feel left out lonely, and nowhere to go? Sometimes, I really want people to take the initiative to come and ask me what's Wrong and how's my life. You know, sometimes, all I need is a little care. Just a little, like at least once every year? Is that to hard? Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry, but I need to find one. I don't understand what is god trying to do. Is he trying to make me cry my self to sleep every night? Like really, I do cry myself to sleep every single night. I know how irritated people feel when I'm emo or sad, so that's why I try and keep it all in side. My sadness is drowning me. I can't hold it in any longer. I can't hold it any longer, I really can't, so why don't give me a break? Heart breaks and heartbreaks over and over again. And then , my mother pms at me today, and now, say stuffs like she's not a good mother and things like that. It really hurts alot. Why is everything crushing down on me? There's council tmr. And I bet I'll feel like some lonely shit. Sometimes. I jet wanna say fuck to the whole world to let them see how black and white my life is. I need people to paint my life, but nobody is, so maybe it's time I hire a painter? Fuck everything... Theresa

...

it's always me giving in. I'm really tired to take the initiative all the time. For every single friendship. I'm the one who gives in. The one that apologizes whether it's my fault or not just to make things like how it used to be. You know at times, you just have enough off everything you have done and just wanna do sth new. But everything else is just holding you back. You know how painful it's is. to let down my ego to say sorry, even tho it isn't my fucking problem/fault?

it's just the beginning.

back to blogging, haiz, been missin school for 2 days alr, gotta go back by tmr, i swear. family aint gettin any better, yeah, i still useless and whatever to them so, yeah, whatever.:<

Friends, oh yeah,about them. Some really, disappointing, others leavin, yeah and all those usual stuffs yeah? LOL really really sad, but who cares? life is short, live it, love it, at the end of the day you're gonna be to one who claims whether life is worth while or just a piece of shit right..

Love, haiz. talkin bout it, is kinda disapointing tho, dont really wanna pour it out, yeah, not gonna blog any more for now, kay, bye.

theresa..

perfect

Hey dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan? Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do? 'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't pretend that I'm alright And you can't change me 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect I try not to think About the pain I feel inside Did you know you used to be my hero? All the days you spend with me Now seem so far away And it feels like you don't care anymore And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't stand another fight And nothing's alright 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect Nothing's gonna change the things that you said Nothing's gonna make this right again Please don't turn your back I can't believe it's hard Just to talk to you 'Cuz you don't understand 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and We can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect

my life just hit the lowest, but i've got nobody to hold on to.

I'm a disappointment. I'm sad, but what can I do? With my results I deserve all this. My dad say this:' you study cannot, your room also don't know how to keep clean, you really very unless, when you go out don't say I'm your father.' this sentence rang in my ear continuously . And I've been thinking, yeah I'm really useless, my brother gets straight A's or B's while I get straight E's and F's, I'm really such a disgrace. Why can't I be like my brother? Why must be such a stupid girl ? Why can't I work hard? Why am I so lazy? Why do my parents have to say hurtful things to me? Why me? Why me? Anybody feel me?:( yeah, another problem. Friends. I'm a fucking butch who gets jealous of every fucking thing. I'm really a bitch, y'know. Actually I'll be better of being lonely. People like Ryan ho, Dominic Luna, liyee, they all deserve friends that I have I'm not A's good A's you think I am, I'm a bitch, but I don't understand why so many people care about me? This few days my heart really hurts alot, but no one will ever know, because nobody reads my blog and I'm glad , because I can rant everything out without changing my friends impression towards me. All I want to do now, is seat down, alone, and cry. And cry , and cry, like how useless people do. I hope someone would just take my hourglass and turn it around. Theresa. The useless.

FUCKKKK!!

I WANNNAAAAA WTCH GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :( FUCK YOU DAD.

falling harder and harder each day.

talk about life, psh..
happy mother's day too all<3:3
i love my mother<3 hahahaha